Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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