dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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