and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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