You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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