Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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