Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
