Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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