Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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