You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
