apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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