he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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