Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize