Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
