why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
