well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
