went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
