If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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