she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
