Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
