I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
