I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize