porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
