Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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