i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize