Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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