I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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