i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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