from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
