I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
