As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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