my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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