I want to have your abortion
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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