I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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