i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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