I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
