kristin has been a bad kristin
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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