Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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