what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
