I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
