I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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