His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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