Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
