New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
