Pappa wants mamma naked
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
