I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
