I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize