Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
