It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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