we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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