Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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