I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
