So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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