You can't special order awesome
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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