I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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