I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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