Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize