yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
