I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
