i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
