Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
