If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
