I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize