STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
