When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
