she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
