it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
