hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize