Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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