You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
