I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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