did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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