I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
