Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
