I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
it's like iHOP with fire
How's work?
Spinning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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