so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
