Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
