My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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