Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
