if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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